Creating Time For More Creating: Signing Off of Social Media
A little over a year ago, without any premeditation, I heard a message one night while I was scrolling through my Facebook feed: “Get off of Facebook.” I didn’t question it, even though I’d been logged on continuously at that point for over 11 years. All my significant life markers in that time period had been documented and preserved in the eternal memory of digitalia. I had hundreds of photos, messages, stories, exchanges, and ideas on there. It was a lot to abruptly just turn off and walk away from. But at midnight, that’s what I did, and I haven’t felt the need to go back.
It was a simple thing, but so profound at the same time. One of the first things I realized was that I had birthed all my children online at that point. Every pregnancy announcement, every birth photo, every early milestone—all coded and sorted in one of a billion bits of information, accessible to the whole world. All of the sudden that seemed so bizarre and unnatural to me to have these precious moments on display on such an impersonal platform. Who was taking in all my information? Who was celebrating me? Scrutinizing me? Tracking me?
I know, I know, in this technology age we leave traces of ourselves everywhere. Here I am now, putting more information on my site, Mother Mother Everywhere. But I do feel very different this time because I’m the author of everything on this site. I own and control 100% of my content in a way that is not autonomously possible on social media channels. For me, for where I am right now in my mothering artist reality, this balance feels good to me.
There were more layers of revelations in those first few months of being off of Facebook. One, I didn’t realize how much time I spent posting bits of my life and perusing through everyone else’s. Immediately after disconnecting my account, I started writing letters to the mothers in my village. Nearly everyday for the next 3 months, I wrote intimate, longform dialogues exploring all the things that were too raw, too personal, too radical to share in public domains. I was able to open up about traumas, heartbreaks, losses, disappointments, hopes, fears, and dreams in this very meaningful way that created shared space for the other person to receive and respond to me in her own time. I loved the extended ability to share and to share so deeply. But even more that that I loved discovering the possibilities of slow communication. There’s so much we lose in the pressure to speed through everything. A text, an email, even a phone call can’t hold the fullness of all our stories. As mothers and women we need regular interaction with safe spaces where we can unravel, come undone, be seen and witnessed with loving, gentle reception. This is what I was able to access more abundantly once I signed off of Facebook.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and the same internal directive sounded off in my head: “Sign out of Instagram.” Again, there wasn’t a lot of forethought or questioning. It just felt very right and very important to do right then. I haven’t missed seeing the posts of my friends and people I followed. I’ve made more of an effort to reach out to people directly when I genuinely want to connect with them, share a story or picture of my kids, or invite them to participate in a project with me. Even my mass emails have come to a pause. I want to reach out to people who are reaching out to me. I want to experience a mutual, human connection that feels good for everyone involved. This is an interesting space to be in as I’m still in the launching process for Mother Mother Everywhere, but so far it feels like the right way to move forward—building personal, one-to-one relationships with the mothering artists I’ve created this site for and growing slowly from there.
This is a whole new dance for me. In the past posting on social media has been a central part of how I share my work, grow our business, and stay connected with my loved ones who live in other parts of the world. I have given a lot of thought to the potential ways that deactivating my accounts could cause me to lose touch with people and opportunities. But the more I consider everything, the list of benefits of signing off of social media grows longer and longer everyday. This morning I made a note of the 5 biggest improvements to my life that have happened since tuning out of Facebook and Instagram, and tuning into me, my art, and my family:
More time to read: I always thought of myself as a slow reader, and so oftentimes large books intimidated me and I didn’t even try them. Now, I welcome little pockets of reading time and just get in as much as I can in those interludes, usually while breastfeeding my baby to sleep.
Ability to practice learning a new language everyday: I have been intending to start studying a new language for our next family residency for a long time now. We’ve been dreaming up the details of this journey and the more we make plans, the more critical I feel it is for me to reach a level of proficiency in the language before we arrive so I can support myself and my family in acclimating to life in this new world.
Reading more books to my children: We read so many books everyday now—and sometimes the same book gets read 10 times in one day! There are books all over the house, and reading time is a spontaneous adventure that has become even more accessible now, as I’m more present with them in all the freed up moments I have from not being on social media.
More extensive research about writers, artists, mothers, and fertility studies: I have always loved researching the lives of writers and artists who fascinate me. I also love studying and learning about the diversity of mothering expressions and fertility practices through the history of humanity and around the globe. I enjoy all the extra minutes there are now to journey deeply into another creator’s process or discover the intricacies of ancient fertility rituals in a world that was once so far removed from me.
More time to write, create, and dream: This is the most rewarding part of shifting off of social media—having the time to be more of the creator I have always dreamed myself to be. Mothers especially are constantly told that our children prohibit us from deepening our practice as creators, but really our children inspire us to learn how to create in different ways. A significant part of my expanding creative momentum has come from identifying my former relationship to social media as a major obstruction to having abundant time for writing books, dancing, and dreaming up more creative programs for my family and my mother village.
I don’t think this is a one-size-fits-all conversation. We all have different ways of engaging, navigating, and benefiting from the current technology advances in our world. It’s important to pay attention to what we need as mothers and creatives in this now. Only we can hear the inner voice of our intuition guiding us toward a more fulfilling and joyful reality. The most important thing we have to assess day by day, moment by moment is are we listening, really listening, to ourselves, to our passions, to the creative revelations inviting us to become more of all we want to be. The time is there for us to create with it what we will. It’s always been there, and the more we trust our paths as mothering artists, the more time we’ll discover we have to bring all our creative visions to life.
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from richelle:
Ah! I am so there! I was wondering why I hadn’t seen you on IG! But I have just recently signed off social media myself and it already feels so right! Life feels so much more spacious, less cluttered. More room for what matters, less of what doesn’t. All your reasons I am either experiencing or excited to hopefully experience. Thrilled to see what evolves in this time and space. And I know social media will still be there if I ever decide to utilize it again. I also know that would look very different for me than it did before.
Love,
Richelle