8 Reasons We Need To Talk About Our Fertility
The pomegranate is an ancient symbol of fertility, its many seeds a representation of the many eggs in our ovaries, of the many possibilities from which we are all born.
Last week I sent individual letters out to almost 100 women that I personally know, inviting them to host a Fertile Freedoms Listening Party. The listening party is an intimate, online, immersive storytelling and performance event where I share my journey of recovering my fertile radiance after a miscarriage. As I was going through the process of sending out each email one by one, I was asking myself, Why are you spending so much time on this? You could just bcc and be done with it.
But I didn’t want to send my very intimate fertility story out as a single, mass message. I wanted to take care of my story, of my words, in a way that only I can. I wanted to think about each woman and each mother I sent my story to. I wanted to remember all the details about her and her life, the conversations and experiences we’ve shared, the intimacies of her fertility stories, family, and dreams.
Each invitation felt like a little gift box I was leaving on her doorstep. I prayed that as they opened my letter they could feel the love I was pouring into this whole exchange. Our fertility is a holy thing, and when we nurture spaces to share our stories with each other we are practicing an ancient and sacred communion as mothers and women. I wanted the power of this process to reach everyone who read my words.
So in tapping into all of these connections, and preparing for the Fertile Freedoms Listening Parties, I thought it would be appropriate to write more specifically about why it’s so important that we share our stories with each other. Of course, there’s way more than 8 reasons why we need to talk about our fertility. But just to get the conversation going, let’s start with these.
#1 To author our own stories about what has happened in our bodies
The words we use to tell our stories have tremendous power over how we experience our fertility. Every word is itself a story, and the memories, emotions, and meanings behind each word support the perpetuation of that story, whether or not it is true in our hearts. Culturally, historically, and economically, our bodies and their stories have been grossly distorted as a part of a systemic need to control what we do with our fertility. Authoring our own narratives gives us control in a way that is not possible when someone else is dictating what is allowed to be said.
Ultimately, the language we use when unraveling our stories’ layers impacts how we are able to process, heal, and transform the narratives. It is essential that we have autonomy over the words and the ways in which they come together to compose the stories about our fertility. This critical practice of finding and articulating our own words keeps us ever-present with our power, and sustains our courage to make the choices that are most authentic to our fertility dreams.
#2 To imagine new futures for our fertility dreamscape
Just like our muscles and limbs need room to stretch, our thoughts need space to exist, shift, and evolve. Talking about our fertility gives us the ability to honor what has happened and imagine what else is possible. When speaking openly about our stories, we have a greater capacity to expand on ideas, consider alternatives, and identify the truth of our feelings. Especially for those of us who have ever felt shamed or silenced because of our story, being able to talk freely and transparently about our fertility dreams is one way we reclaim our power and our right to shape the priorities of our fertility dreamscape.
Everything we are birthing, whether it’s a baby or a creative vision, first needs our permission to be possible. Regular, honest dialogues with ourselves and those who love us give us the necessary time to gain clarity about what we want. These rituals of communication also help us practice trusting ourselves and lead us to feel more confident about the steps we will take to realize our fertility dreams.
#3 To increase our collective knowledge about fertile possibilities
The more we talk with each other about what’s really going on in our fertility stories, the more knowledge we can collectively access when exploring our individual possibilities. We are all experts about our lives, our bodies, our personal experiences with navigating our fertility. This expertise is sacred and when we practice sharing our stories with other women, we illuminate this deep well of our own knowing that everyone has the ability to cultivate for themselves.
There are so many ways to exchange stories and connect with others who need to hear our stories. As the author of your fertility journey, you get to decide how and when and who you talk to. Every time you open up to share from your truth, you are enriching the soil of our meta-fertility dreamscape. The more possibilities we acknowledge together, the more realities we can all consider when choosing how we want to move forward with our fertility dreams.
#4 To process traumatic moments in our fertility journeys
We need to talk about what has happened to our bodies in the pursuit of our fertility dreams. The practice of putting sound to our feelings, of selecting words for the images playing over and over again in our mind, of organizing the way facts are remembered—all of this is a part of the healing process. We can only begin to imagine those new futures when we have fully acknowledged our past labors.
Women need to feel safe to revisit the traumatic parts of our fertility stories. We need gentle ears to listen to us and soft places to rest our hearts when we finally get the courage to voice the horrors we have endured and survived. The future of our fertility lives on the other side of what it is we are too afraid to say. Learning how to find our own way into the hardest parts of our stories is another way we access power in bodies and our fertility narratives.
#5 To stimulate our creativity
Our fertility and our creativity are inextricably linked. Just as suppressing one inhibits the other, amplifying one empowers and expands the other. Talking about our fertility stimulates new thought patterns and reinvigorates energy where there was possibly stagnation or boredom. Discovering a new idea is another way to give birth, and being hyper-present with the many ways we engage our creativity strengthens our receptivity to the possibilities of our fertility.
Our bodies, our minds, our wombs, our reproductive matter are all the site of constant creation. We are walking, talking creators, at every point of every day. It is a majestic thing to be deeply aware of our magic at all times. Holding onto the possibility of our creative powers enriches and enlivens our fertility dreamscape. We enter every moment more possible than one before it. We greet each opportunity with more passion, curiosity, and optimism, and all this positive energy leads to happier, more fulfilling experiences with our fertility and creativity.
#6 To explore multiple ways to realize our fertility dreams
Fertility and creativity teach us to love multiplicity. Whenever we seek to grow deeper in our creative practice, or get more in tune with our fertility dreams we are presented with an opportunity to look at something from many different perspectives. These labors of bending, twisting, sifting through possibilities strengthen us in a ways that are extremely beneficial when navigating the inevitable unknowns of our fertility dreamscape.
As we learn to trust ourselves, our dreams, and our intuitive guides, we grow more adept, more flexible, and more receptive to making the most of unexpected openings when they appear. We begin to see and experience our fertile futures more tangibly and less abstractly. More accepting of the infinite variation of how our futures may unfold, we more freely bring our dreams to life.
#7 To make safe spaces for those who need to talk about their fertility stories
Everyone of us has the power to make a safe space for someone else to tell their story. But first, we have to make our hearts, our minds, our bodies safe places to tell our own stories to ourselves. It takes however long it is going to take, but by practicing loving, gentle kindness towards ourselves throughout the labors of unraveling and untangling our stories, we grow our capacity to be active listeners who can provide safe spaces for others to open up their stories.
When we take radical steps toward vulnerability and transparency, we illuminate the pathways for more mothers and women to shed their own masks and armor. Many of us have learned from girlhood how to close ourselves off for survival, how to protect the sweetest, most delicate parts of our dreams from harsh judgements and violations. Now though, we have to find our way back to the softness where possibility begins. Our fertility dreams are waiting for us there. Creating safe spaces where everyone can share their fertility stories is one way we accelerate our own return to that sweet, loving space of surrender within ourselves.
#8 To seed and nurture a more loving fertility reality for our daughters and granddaughters
Our fertility, our creativity, our lives flourish in a window of opportunity. We know that these moments are for the now, and that we are doing our best to make the most of this now. We also know that the next generations are making their way into their fertile futures too. They are watching us and developing a sense of what will be possible for them by observing what we decide is possible for ourselves.
The more we experiment with and expand the narratives that shape our fertility dreamscapes, the more seeds we are planting, the more opportunities we are preserving, the more power we are gathering, for those who are responsible for birthing the future of humanity. As it is now, and as it will be then, our labors are sourcing everything and everyone we are birthing. Speaking intentionally, honestly, and lovingly about our fertility has lasting implications for our quality of life, and everything we will create with these lives, for years and years to come.
