Spin

Inside the Creation Stories of Dancing Mother

*Photo by Elen Awalom, 2009 photo shoot in preparation for my JOYISM! debut.*

Reading my 2010 artist statement 14 years later

by Mother Mother Binahkaye Joy

It occurs to me that I haven’t written a new artist statement since becoming a visible mother, and my first born at this time is now entering his tween years, as he loves to remind me. My last intentional memories of crafting an artist statement are from the summer of 2010 when I was applying to a dance residency in Trinidad and Tobago with the Makeda Thomas Dance & Performance Institute. I went for the residency for the first few weeks, and then stayed for several months and created my own way. It was such a generative season. I was healing. I was hiding in plain sight.

“I am a dance in progress at all times. My life exists as a dynamic dialogue between the simultaneous happenings of things past and present, of spaces here and there.”

In the fall of 2010 I had run away from Washington, DC with a one-way ticket to Piarco International Airport. I thought that if I could just get to Trinidad I could put enough miles and ocean between me and everything that was breaking my heart. I was convinced that the cure for my complicated fertility tangles, multiple disastrous relationships, and most of all, the lingering, haunting shadows of my unborn children who transitioned too early to become human beings—that all of it was a matter of distance and geography, of sand and sea.

“I use all forms of art, but primarily movement and the written word to navigate the intricate realities and dreams that blossom throughout my cosmic earthly ride.”

My 2010 artist statement is archived on an old blog, my first one actually, that I started almost two decades ago. As I sift through layers of my becoming, I am finding all sorts of pieces of me: photos, video clips, sketches for dances and workshops, short stories, character maps, poems, spiralgrams, and writings in a variety of forms and stages of completion. In reading my old artist statement, I recognize myself instantly, especially the parts that still ring so true and loud in my today. And I also see all the things I am not saying, that I am too afraid to say, underneath my audacious and triumphant words. A seasoned, invisible mother by the time this statement was drafted, I was well-practiced at tending to those ferocious mothering dreams in the dark. With each sentence I can identify the masks I had deliberately placed. I can trace the seams of the narratives covering the full truth. It was written beautifully. It is a performance of joy.

“I embrace the duality of my life. The complimentary and paradoxical nature of my converging identities undoubtedly lives within my one body, and often inspires questions about who I think I am. The raw source material of accepting all sides of me gives texture, substance, and infinite variation to my dance, my writing, my fashion designs, everything!”

*Photo by Colin Danville, secretly recovering from a protostar birth, preparing to go to Trinidad, summer 2010*

The plurality of my concurrent dimensions of being and the multitude of frequencies I traverse in any given day, in any given hour, is beyond words. I feel most times like an octopus—attuned to many needs, questions, stories, and possibilities all at the same time. I am still learning how to be in my rhythms, and fully embracing this superpower is a long, long labor that I welcome.

“My joy is stimulated by vast, wide, open spaces, both literally and figuratively. I inevitably create art that dissolves barriers, labels, and boundaries. My art stems from an underlying truth that everyone’s story/dance/voice/body/emotion is valid and essential to a whole and prosperous world.”

My art stems from a need to breathe and exist in my fullness. And while I am busy making space for myself, I don’t mind making space for everyone else to live into the wholeness of their divinity too.

“I am a highly sensitive emotional being. The process of discovering my feelings and my relationships to space, time, people, nature, and opportunities is my spirit’s dance journey. My keen emotional awareness enables me to critically and compassionately create art that resonates deeply with humanity’s most intimate and sacred issues.”

I marvel at how much space I was holding for others in these years, while simultaneously denying myself the same level of compassion and care. In many ways I have grown, and in many ways I am still growing.

“I reflect the artistic and kinesthetic potentials of the human experience by allowing my art to document my own journeys towards freedom and love. Being deliberately transparent about my art-making processes nurtures a very tangible quality of my art and communicates its relevancy to diverse communities.”

This has been a dream in the making. It’s possible to be both naked and revealed and also cloaked and hidden all in the same breath. I am a master at this, I can admit this out loud now, especially as I prepare for MOTHER BRINGS HERSELF BACK TO LIFE.

*Self-portrait, St. James Amphitheater, Trinidad, January 2011*

“At my core, I am a giddy scientist and every space that I encounter is a viable laboratory for my wildest dreams. I love to experiment, and all of the art that I create is born of this zest for surprises that experimentation always delivers. I boldly dig deeper into unknowns and find myself stronger, wiser, and more powerful because of the journey.”

The unknowns can be haunting, and still we face them…

I do not believe that there is a “wrong” way to explore my art. Be it a dance, a character, an opportunity—everything in my process is worthy of my own investigation. The present moment gives me the best indication of who I am choosing to be right now, and my art courageously reflects those choices at every stage.

Living in the present moment and feeling the concurrent streams of the past and the future…I want to develop an artist statement that reflects who I am now and how my creations have evolved. I’m in a lengthy sankofa moment, looking back to go forward. I am reading pieces of myself from different parts of my evolution. Every little thing I touch or come across brings up so much. This share is in progress, but I wanted to offer a sketch of the internal dialogue that has been emerging since coming across my old artist statement.

I am coming back with more.

*Photo by Arnaldo James, talking about my creations with dear friends in Port of Spain, Trinidad, January 2011*

My 2010 Artist Statement

I am a dance in progress at all times. My life exists as a dynamic dialogue between the simultaneous happenings of things past and present, of spaces here and there. I use all forms of art, but primarily movement and the written word to navigate the intricate realities and dreams that blossom throughout my cosmic earthly ride.

I embrace the duality of my life. The complimentary and paradoxical nature of my converging identities undoubtedly lives within my one body, and often inspires questions about who I think I am. The raw source material of accepting all sides of me gives texture, substance, and infinite variation to my dance, my writing, my fashion designs, everything! My joy is stimulated by vast, wide, open spaces, both literally and figuratively. I inevitably create art that dissolves barriers, labels, and boundaries. My art stems from an underlying truth that everyone’s story/dance/voice/body/emotion is valid and essential to a whole and prosperous world.

I am a highly sensitive emotional being. The process of discovering my feelings and my relationships to space, time, people, nature, and opportunities is my spirit’s dance journey. My keen emotional awareness enables me to critically and compassionately create art that resonates deeply with humanity’s most intimate and sacred issues. I reflect the artistic and kinesthetic potentials of the human experience by allowing my art to document my own journeys towards freedom and love. Being deliberately transparent about my art-making processes nurtures a very tangible quality of my art and communicates its relevancy to diverse communities.

At my core, I am a giddy scientist and every space that I encounter is a viable laboratory for my wildest dreams. I love to experiment, and all of the art that I create is born of this zest for surprises that experimentation always delivers. I boldly dig deeper into unknowns and find myself stronger, wiser, and more powerful because of the journey. I do not believe that there is a “wrong” way to explore my art. Be it a dance, a character, an opportunity—everything in my process is worthy of my own investigation. The present moment gives me the best indication of who I am choosing to be right now, and my art courageously reflects those choices at every stage.